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S. Easter 2.25 John 20:19-31

[Thomas] said to them, ‘Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe’.

Thomas might be a spiritual Rorschach Test. I think he has been for me, at least, and suspect he’s been, similarly, for others. When I was in college and doubting a lot of the things I used to believe, Thomas was someone I could project my own struggles onto and feel like it was up to Jesus to appear to me in such a way as he had to Thomas to get me back onto Team Jesus. Which actually did happen, a story for another time…

After decades in the ministry, at the (unfortunately not infrequent) times I felt like I was demonstrating more courage and zeal for the Lord than the other pastors around me, sticking to the pure doctrine, keeping the doors open despite official sanction, and feeling neither seen nor valued for that faithfulness, I couldn’t help but see Thomas in a similar light.

John tells us he and the other 9 were gathered together in the locked upper room on Easter Sunday evening “for fear of the Jews,” afraid they might end up crucified like Jesus, too. But Thomas wasn’t there. Why not?

Well; John tells us in chpt. 11 of his gospel that when they were out in the deserted spot by the Jordan where John first baptized, getting away from the hostile crowds of Judea and got word Lazarus was sick (back in the heart of Judea) and Jesus first shrugs it off, saying: “this sickness is not unto death” but then a couple days later changes his mind and says “Let’s go wake Lazarus up!”

The other disciples balk, saying “rest is the best medicine!” and “Judea isn’t exactly a safe place these days!” Thomas called “The Twin”, exasperated, says: “Let us also go that we may die with him!”

Thomas shows courage in the face of death that was sadly lacking in the scaredy-cat others! And is this why he’s called “The Twin”? We’re never told, but I wonder if it’s maybe because Thomas tries to be Jesus’ Twin? If Jesus says black, Thomas says Black. If Jesus says white, Thomas says white—so he gets the nickname Copycat or Didymus, “The Twin”?

Just a guess…

But it seems as good an explanation as any as to why Thomas isn’t in the Upper Room Easter Sunday evening. Jesus wasn’t afraid of the Jews! Thomas will not be afraid either! Jesus was always out amongst his enemies. Thomas will be the same.

And if we’re onto something here, it kind of changes how you read the story. Nowhere is it said that Thomas doesn’t believe the apostolic witness that Jesus is risen from the dead. Jesus asks a question, “Have you believed because you have seen me?”

When the other disciples told him, “we have seen the LORD!” Thomas doesn’t say he doesn’t believe it. He says: “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.”

John loves ambiguity. In the encounter with Nicodemus at the beginning of John’s gospel, Jesus says: “unless you are born ανωθεν”—a word that in Greek means either “from above” or “again” and the ambiguity leads to an amusing “Who’s on first” discussion. John uses the Greek πνευμα (which means wind, breath, or spirit) in such a way that it’s very blurry which meaning is predominate when John uses it of the Holy Spirit.

So, John won’t let you completely rule out that Thomas’s problem is doubting the apostles’ word—and many hymns and bulletin covers take that view. But it seems to me even more likely that Thomas simply demands to be seen for his good traits. Besides, an apostle must be an eyewitness of the Resurrection and Thomas loves being an apostle. Why is Jesus not showing up for him?

It’s so unfair! Thomas missed out on seeing the resurrected Lord on Easter Sunday evening only because he wasn’t hiding!, wasn’t afraid to be risking his neck out amongst the Jews who’d just killed Jesus. “If you want a piece of me, c’mon over here and git you some.” That’s how I see Thomas… 😉

This is why I say Thomas seems like something of a Rorschach Test: you see what you want to see with Thomas, perhaps? How do you see the scene—when Jesus appears 8 days later in the Upper Room, extending his hands and saying ‘put your finger here and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side, and don’t be disbelieving but believing!”?

Does Thomas stick his finger into the nail and spear marks, or not?

Thomas simply answers “My LORD and my God!” John doesn’t say that Thomas puts his finger in the holes or his hand in the Lord’s side. And I, personally, can’t see him doing something like that. It’s not reverent and I doubt doubt’s really Thomas’s biggest problem… (see what I did there? ;-)

Do you know how hard it is to find a bulletin cover that doesn’t have Thomas sticking his finger into the nail holes? Russell managed it, but it wasn’t easy. Russell does a great job with our bulletin covers, BTW, and much thanks to him for that faithful labor!

This picture’s exactly how I see it: Thomas dropping to his knees, not touching Jesus, ashamed of himself, whimpering, “My LORD and my God!” all bravado and bluster… vanquished by ever greater things!

Maybe I’m projecting here, but maybe Thomas’s problem isn’t seeing as much as not feeling SEEN by Jesus?

I see Thomas like an eager little puppy desperate to be seen as Jesus’ “Twin” just dying to have Jesus see him that way, call him “Twin” without irony (as I suspect the nickname was often deployed, to Thomas’s chagrin. I see Thomas feeling like his good faith and devotion are not seen but actually ignored, maybe kinda punished by neglect, even?

But, maybe, you’ve never been there?

But, if you have, maybe you can see Jesus appearing like this could make you see yourself as the arrogant, needy little name-dropping twit you are? Your courage’s now looking more like bluster, your devotion like attention seeking. See how that could bring you low, drop you to your knees, make you yearn to be invisible?

Maybe the whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning for others?

John’s epistle reminds us the important thing isn’t our seeing or being seen—but Jesus being faithful and just to forgive us all our sins, anyways, always…

No matter what your sin is: doubting, pouting, needy attention seeking, or name dropping, Jesus won’t just try; he will FIX YOU: first, by asking “is that really what you want?” And then by giving himself all away to sinners like us, making us see all we really want is him, his approval, his “blessed are those who, without seeing, are believing”—in which is Peace, surpassing understanding, guarding our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.